Clothing and Self-representation

So today I am here with some questions I have yet to find the answers to.

All throughout boarding school, and now as a freshman in college, part of living in a dorm for me means sharing stuff with your dorm mates and friends. As a girl, a lot of this sharing comes in the form of clothes, shoes, and accessories. 

Therein arises the questions then: by borrowing our friends/dorm mates' clothing, we appropriate/accept them as part of our self-representations, but are these representations really ours? Do we own them? Do we own these images of ourselves? We certainly do not own these clothing items, but by wearing them, can we call them "our style," so to speak?

Do we own our own image? If not, who does?

xx

Vanessa :]

On mistakes

Last Saturday I received the extremely sad news of my high school cross country coach's passing. He took his own life after making a terrible mistake that I'm not going to talk about here. Despite the shock and the grief, what bothered me the most is how my school dealt with it. The administration has not talked about his passing properly, and my coach's death won't be celebrated by any teams or student organizations because of the mistake he made. 

This whole incident just got me thinking - how significant is one mistake, exactly? Of course, I know the answer sort of depends on how big the mistake is, but still, is any mistake big enough for someone's death to be overlooked? 

Since I'm not the victim of the mistake, I wouldn't know firsthand how great of a mistake it is, but I personally do not agree that any mistake can surpass the fact that someone has taken their own life. I think the school should give us a clearer answer and allow students to celebrate my coach's life.

What's your take?

xx

Vanessa :]

Just to be honest, I’m not really sure what this Wednesday’s question is. I just have this story to tell y’all, and I guess you can decide what the takeaway is.

Like I already mentioned in this Monday’s post, I love choir. I love everything about it: the warmups, the music-reading, the tryouts for solos, the last-minute rehearsals… When I was in middle school, my school’s choir decided to participate in the World Choir Games 2008 in Graz, Austria.

The preparation started the second the first rehearsal of the school year began. Even though it was still ten months until summer at the time, we already plunged into it. In order to perform the four songs we picked for the Games perfectly, we trained every day of the week, and in the last two months even on weekend evenings. Occasionally there were complaints; a few people even dropped out. But July came and we flew to Austria. The Games were a huge success. We won silver medal. And we had so much fun as a team together, picnicking along the Mur, hanging out by the fountain in front of the Town Hall, putting on makeup in a tiny restaurant before the competition…

In short, it was a wonderful time. Everyone bonded over the Games, and our time spent in the scenic town of Graz. Because I had always remembered Graz with a smile and warm memories, when I started planning my trip to Europe this summer I could not not add Graz to the itinerary.

So, on July 22^nd, 2013, exactly five years after I left Graz, I was back. I took a taxi from the train station to get to the downtown area. The taxi dropped me off in a small street just off the town center. As soon as I rounded the corner, I almost burst into tears. There, right in front of me, was an ancient building decorated with frescoes that I took an exact picture of five years ago. Even though I couldn’t remember about the building, I knew it was the building I’ve seen before as soon as I saw it. That feeling when my past suddenly somehow caught up to me was strange: I was overcome with acute nostalgia, yet I was not sad; I was happy, no, delighted, to be back again, even though I was on my own this time, without the rest of the choir.

Staring at the building, I started to have this thought about life and growth. Sometimes you don’t realize that you’ve changed until you see something that haven’t. Returning to Graz is one of these things. The historical part of Graz which I remember ever so clearly hasn’t changed one bit, but I was completely different. I am no longer a girl; I’ve grown into a young woman. That powerful difference made me gasp at how much time can do to a person, how much I’ve grown. When I got back to my hotel that night I realized that I would’ve regretted it tremendously if I didn’t put Graz on the itinerary.

So that’s my story. I guess there really isn’t one single question to ask. Perhaps I just wanted to make a proposal: revisit a place that meant a lot to you during your childhood or adolescence. Let the unchanging show you the change.

After doing that, here’s a question for you: how does it feel?

xx

Vanessa :]

What's your biggest change this past year?

Okay, I guess this question is more applicable for those of you reading who are still in school. As the end of the school year draws near (or, for some public schools and colleges, has already happened), I want to challenge you to this question: What's your biggest change this past (school) year?

How have you changed? How have you become a better person? How have you changed other people, for better or for worse? 

Are you proud of the changes? Of who you are now?

(And yes technically what I'm doing here is called cheating because I basically just bombarded you with questions. But but but!! All of these tie back to the main question in the title—what's your biggest change this year?)

Let's hear it (them?).

xx

Vanessa :]

Question Wednesday: on self-confidence (seriously, it's not as boring as it sounds)

Last night I was talking to my friend about our perceptions of self and the issue of self-confidence. Thus the question: why is it that we are often genuinely generous when considering other people's physical appearances, and so harsh when considering our own?

I'm not as sure about boys, but I know that at least for girls, it's so much easier to love someone else's looks (“she has the perfect hair!" "her eyes are gorgeous!" "she is sooooo pretty!") than loving our own ("my hair is so flat." "my fingers are weird." "I have man shoulders.") Personally I have this terrible tendency as well, exaggerating every little flaw of my own, while I find it so easy to find something good about others. 

So, my question is, why? Why do we have to be so mean to ourselves?

xx

Vanessa :]

Question Wednesday: On self (selves?)

As you all know, I finished Paper Towns two nights ago (see review here), and I was having some real deep thoughts. Incidentally, I also recently engaged in a very thought-provoking conversation with a good friend of mine. So I've been thinking a lot, and I just thought it'd be nice to write down some of these thoughts here.

So, here's the question: say you know someone, you might even be friends with them. How different, then, is the "he/she" you know from the "he/she" he/she really is?

Confused? Okay. I guess essentially, what I'm saying is, you don't know if the person you know is really the person him/herself. And sometimes, if we're really lucky to be really close with someone else, our perceptions of this person could be really close to who the person really is deep inside. 

Interestingly enough, the person who I had this conversation with happens to be someone who we both think we know the real "each other." I guess I'm just one of the lucky few who gets to have such a great friendship.

Do you have a relationship like this? Do you think your friends are different from who you think they are? Dis-moi.

xx

Vanessa :]

Question Wednesday: Why do people feel this way?

Scenario: Your friend is having this party/gathering at her house this weekend. You are attending. Your crush and some of your other close friends will be going, too. You look forward to the party/gathering all week long, getting so excited, playing out what could happen, how much fun you'd have. You literally cannot wait for weekend to come. And then weekend does come, and you do go to the party/gathering, and so do the said people above. You have a fairly good time, but in the end, you feel like it's not even close to how you've imagined it.

Question: Why?

Why do you feel like that you've been let down when you've probably had a great time (if you didn't have your hopes up so high)?

Tell me.
xx
Vanessa :]

Question Wednesday: Have you ever stolen before?

For English class I'm reading A Visit From the Goon Squad, in which the protagonist is a troubled young woman who has a problem with "taking things" (in her words)--meaning, she relishes the exhilaration of stealing from street people (a child's scarf, a pair of glasses, etc) and hoards her "trophies" in her apartment. Interestingly, she never touches the stolen items again, after the deed of stealing. 

This got me thinking. I believe it's fair to say that as children, we've all stolen a thing or two, whether it be from other people, or from stores. For example, I myself have stolen a manga play-card from a total stranger at a weekend tutoring school. And a bag of Skittles, when I was ten. That time I had an accomplice, my childhood best friend. I remember feeling simultaneously horrible and excited and scared. It was indeed a feeling that not much else can evoke.

That said, I'm not stealing anymore, obviously, now that I'm an adult. But I wouldn't do anything to change my childhood "stealing experiences," for they are a part of my dearest memories from when I was an ignorant little girl.

Now, my question: Have you stolen something before? If so, what is it? How did/do you feel about it? Why do you think people steal as an obsession?

xx

Vanessa :]

Savvy Saturday: Macarons

Savvy Saturday     n. a means to make one shrewd and knowledgable in the realities of life; rite of passage to becoming cultured

Now, shall we?

Starting the tradition, this Saturday I'm sharing a bit of my francophile side with y'all. Yesterday was my French research paper's due date, and guess what I wrote about? Yes, macarons!

I know you probably have a LOT of questions parading through your mind right now, but no worries, after reading this post you will become instantly savvy (or at least macaron-savvy)!

Macarons, a French word, is what we Americans commonly refer to as macaroons (Gah, I hate that name, it totally ruins the delicate french sound of 'macaron'). So what is a macaron? According to the dictionary, it is "a light cookie made with egg white, sugar, and usually ground almonds or coconut." 

The origin of macaron is quite a mystery: some people believe it was invented by Pierre Desfontaines, the cousin of the founder of La Durée, the famous French pastry shop; others claim that the first macaron was born in Italy, created by the chef of Catherine de Medicis, in celebration of her marriage to the Duc d'Orleans.

Anyways, that's that. More importantly: where can you find good macarons?

My answer(s):

1. Macaron Café, New York City

They have two stores in the City, each with a tiny storefront and magnificent macaron towers on display in those small windows! The raspberry one is really good, and so is the pistachio one!

Their latest collection, just in time for Chinese New Year, is outrageously beautiful:

2. La Durée, Paris, France

There are several La Durée's in Paris, but the most famous one is the one on Champs-Elysées--you have to wait in line for hours just to get a taste of these gorgeous little treats! But the taste--ah, it's totally worthwhile! (hint hint: if you ever visit Paris, be sure to stop by and grab a macaron or all the macarons in the store.)

Macaron is not only a gem in the culture of pastries, it has also become more representative of a chic lifestyle. Its pastel colors and soft roundedness has made it a popular theme for special occasions such as weddings and birthday parties. A few weeks ago when I was at Paper Source in Princeton, I found macaron print on many of their spring products! Such as this adorable macaron Valentine's Day card:

So, what are you still waiting for? Go get a macaron! Pair that with hot dark chocolate, and it's heaven...

xx

Vanessa :]

ps. music accompaniment for a frenchie day

Les temps sont durs pour les rêveurs. from stellaklimt on 8tracks Radio.

A rather depressing Question Wednesday..

For today's Question Wednesday I want to talk about funerals. What is the purpose of funerals? Why do people attend one? And why is it almost required that you cry at one?

In my opinion, funerals are becoming more and more like a social convention, just like a business dinner or a graduation party. Sometimes people go not because they care about the person, but because they feel the obligation to. (Which is terrible.)

So I think, instead of having funerals, if I die, I'd love to have a party. A party where upbeat music is played, and people get drunk and talk about the most hilarious things they can remember about me. Yeah, that's what a funeral should be like.

What do you think?

What if you were sitting on the toilet and the world ended and the last thing you ever got to do was poop?

Okay...so i just failed that.

Chem. Done.
Now to study for Physics. Oh, who am I kidding. I'm not gonna study.
I'll be on YouTube if you need me.

Popularity.

What exactly makes you popular? And why does that stuff make you popular? It could easily have just gone the other way. Why is being skinny desirable? Why do we only like the handsome boys/men? And what exactly makes them handsome? Who's to say that everyone isn't pretty in their own way? Susan Boyle is just as pretty as Keira Knightly when you think about it. It's opinion, and opinions can differ. So why don't they? Because we...well "we accept the love we think we deserve."Humanity is a push-over. If people say that this is 'good' then we all agree. Everyone else is doing it. We'd rather let someone else tell us what we like than figure it out ourselves.

What do you think?

New favorite sentence

I almost just said "Mew favorite sentence," because I've been saying "meow" a lot for the past few days (the reason for this feline trait of mine still remains unknown).

Anyways the sentence is: "Your life doesn't dictate who you are."

Take it however you want to. :)

This is not much of a question but more a rant

Okay, so today I got deferred by the college I applied ED to. Today's Question is not going to be about "why oh why why you defer me insert school name" (although I'd like to have that discussion sometime). What I actually want to talk about today is a question that I have no answer to. 

You know how when you fill out college apps they ask you to indicate your ethnicity, right? The result is that certain ethnicities are easier to get into schools than others. No offense to the minorities, but I can't help but wonder: does this count as racial discrimination?

This is a question that I have no answer for. A first, I know. But I'd love to hear what YOU thinks!

Cheers :]

Vanessa

P.S. after I got deferred my friends and I went out to dinner at my town's diner and I ate my feelings (giant stack of banana pancakes). Grrrrreat.

A Slightly Nostalgic Music Monday

Today, morning came in the form of a potential confusion for twilight, the sun fading fast through the thick, cool fog, the water vapor filling up the parking lot like it's a valley. (Translation: Today, it was hard to get up in the morning, so hard I snoozed the alarm five times before kicking myself out of bed.)

So, to fit that mood (the foggy one, not the groggy one), I thought of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QD7qIthSdkA

Enjoy!

Cheers,

Vanessa :]

Question Wednesday!

Good ol' Question Wednesday again! 

Today's question is inspired by Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. I'm reading this book for my English class, and I'm constantly amazed by it. The story is that of a young girl (Kaysen herself, actually) in a mental hospital. The story deals with various patients and their experiences and stories, and is told from a broken up chronology.

So, the question today is: what is the definition of "crazy?"

It was actually one of the discussion questions in class for this book. Everyone in my class had different answers, some of which included words such as "agitation" "unpredictability" "insane" "abnormal".

To be honest, I think that the idea of "crazy" is only relative--after all, "crazy" is only what is not normal, right? So then what decides normal? The society. No, scratch that. The majority of the society. That said, the minority, the "abnormal," shouldn't be considered all wrong, or, "crazy." This part of the society just doesn't...conform. I agree that there are people who need psychiatrists and such, but I don't think "crazy" should be a negative concept. It should just be what does not belong to the majority, and simply that.

What do you think?

Cheers,
Vanessa :]

Life of Pi

(source: http://imgfave.com/view/2766825)

So...as promised, I finally got myself over here to write the review of the movie. (Where's the applause????)

The movie starts out with a very Zen, calming traditional Indian song. It seems to have a religious hymnal quality to it (and I wouldn't be surprised if it does, because in large the movie deals with a lot of religious themes). Accompanying the music are the scores, with the opening scene of a zoo. The lettering mirrors the zoo scenes, such as if a monkey is dangling from a tree branch, one of the letters will dangle too. I believe that it's such attention to minute details that makes this movie truly outstanding. It just shows the viewers how much the director cared and invested.

While the story in the movie (and I won't spoil it for you, don't worry) isn't the most thought-provoking, it's definitely unique. After all, how many movies are made about animals and humans together, ending with the human(s) finding God? Not many. So yes, this movie is one of a kind.

Now, onto the filming: boy, isn't it one of the most beautiful movies ever made. Everything in this movie is seen from an unconventional angle, so very common scenes end up looking absolutely refreshing. There is one scene about a swimming pool, where it's shot from beneath the water, and the water is so clear you can see the sky and buildings above it, all blue and crystal and rippled. It is just breathtaking. 

Seeing these amazing scenes totally made me wonder. I'd think, if I can view such and such like this, what else can I see differently? 

I think that's my most valuable lesson from the movie: try to see things differently.

UPDATE: I made a playlist with Pi's Lullaby in it. *cough cough* Sara check it out. http://8tracks.com/ness428/in-the-depth-of-the-labyrinth

Almost forgot! Question Wednesday

This Wednesday's question is: is there something you like that you used to be/still are ashamed of? Share your story with us.

Pour moi, this thing is Twilight.

As a middle school girl, I used to be obsessed with the Twilight series. Back then, with as little experience in romantic relationships as I did, to me Edward is perfect, and Bella is beautiful. At my urgent request, my mom started reading the series, and that started the Twilight Mania in the Gao household: mom had to order 3 box sets of Twilight so that my aunt, she, and I won't have to fight over one single book...

Now that I'm older and more mature, I start to realize that Edward isn't perfect, and Bella should be more than beautiful. But I want to admit that I still love the series, and would love to remain loyal to it. Because I'm a hopeless romantic, and moreover, I don't want to not be able to like something freely.

So, yes, I like Twilight, and I don't care what others think of that.

Cheers :]

Vanessa

Girl, Interrupted

We're reading this book for English class, and I have to say, I LOVE it so far. I'm only thirty pages into the book, but I'm already fascinated. Personally I've always been a little obsessed with mental illnesses, since it's much more common than you'd like to think. And the book just tells the story of a "mentally ill" girl with such delicacy and accuracy that it appalls and awes me.

More detailed review to come...gotta go back to reading.